“You have to choose your battles wisely”
But what if I never wanted to go on a war?
Back in the year 2017 when I passed my standard 12th exams and like every dreamer I got admission into a college and from Patna I came to Dilwaalon ki Dilli, I used to wonder how perfect my life is. New life, new city, supportive parents, loving boyfriend, lots of friends. What else did I need. Well life had some different plans for me. Within two months, I was diagnosed with PCOD (polycystic ovarian disease) which was a totally new concept. All I knew it was some sort of menstrual dysfunctionality which messed with my hormones, later I come to know that it was much complicated than I could imagine. It’s affects were harsh on body but way more drastic on my brain.
Within 2 months I was stamped as a clinically depressed patient with severe anxiety issues. It was a heavy toll on my head as I was in total shock of what was happening with me. One moment I was all happy and chirpy another moment it all seemed blue and gloomy. I was once a confident bright student but due to the factors of depression I lost my spark. I started missing classes, bed became my new best friend, distanced myself from my friends and family and gradually I was shedding my conviction.
My situation was deteriorating by each passing day and I was unprepared to belief that my snow globe like life was on the verge on the verge of destruction. I spent hours overthinking and googling my conditions which did nothing good at all. Word of advice “never believe Google’s medical predictions, it devastates”. With my emotional and physical illness, it eventually became obvious in various ways to other people. Excessive weight imbalance, lost in interest, change in behavior, depressing posts on social media. All this remained for around a year with no medical help as I was still figuring out, and suddenly I decided I can’t take it anymore and took the decision of dropping out from college and going back to my hometown and I did. It took me a month to clean my head and finally accept medical intervention and starting my life from scratch again.
I came back to Delhi, started psychotherapy, took admission again and decided to live on my own. It was like detoxifying my whole life. Today, I’m on medicines and therapy and it is helping me to re arrange my life.“Dear Zindagi, I know we haven’t met in a while, so nothing, just wanted to say Hi, again!”